What the "Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck" taught me
I’ve always been kind of a « negative person ». I was always complaining and a bit pessimist, and I didn’t really believe in myself. To be fair, I was raised in a country where people are used to always talk with criticism. Then I’ve learned that being negative does not help at all and you just can’t be happy this way ! So I bought this book and honestly, I made a great choice.
The blogger and entrepreneur Mark Manson released his self-help guide in 2016, A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. A very refreshing and confronting book about our personal values, beliefs and emotions. He reminds us that life doesn’t just happen to us, we are responsible of our actions. So good news, our happiness is in our control !
I read it, I loved it. It took me a year to actually apply it daily, now I feel naturally thankful of every single day, I stopped stressing about little things and most of all, I am much more confident about my life goals. Gosh it feels good !
So what exactly did this book teach me ?
Only you decide how you feel
Manson explains that people tend to give a sh*t about too many things and never feel satisfied.
We’re actually getting anxious because we just care too much about what we don’t have instead of just being grateful about what we do have, or even stress too much about things that are irrelevant.
The way you feel about something is just a choice you have made. For example, this unexpected electricity bill you recieved, you can choose to be upset about it and complain, blaming the world around you. Or you can choose to just pay it and forget about it. Let’s be honest, we live in first-world countries, so why would we care about small problems ?
For any type of situation, the most important thing is not what’s happening, it’s the way you react to it. If you care less about little things, you’ll find yourself more often in a peaceful mind.
‘Often the only difference between a problem being painful or being powerful is a sense that we chose it, and that we are responsible for it.’
This is the same for your relationships with others. We are all humans, we all have emotions. We have the right to be angry, upset or sad, but if we let those emotions control our minds, we are never going to find serenity in ourselves. And this is not healthy. Sometimes it is better for you to be forgiving or impartial. And if something you can’t control happens to you, accept and embrace it, because you can’t do anything about it.
This book helped me so much in a sense that I got to learn to look for the positive feeling instead of focusing on my problems. I get to see life as a gift, full of opportunities and most of all, I get to care about the things that matter the most to me.
Enjoy the struggle to achieve your goals
Everybody has dreams. But only a few people dare to get out of their comfort zone and actually do something in order to hit their goals.
Manson made me understand that challenges aren’t due to bad luck or misfortune. They are just part of the game ! If you want to build a business or achieve something big in your life, you need to be prepared for the struggle.
Loads of people want to be millionaires, but not everyone is willing to work hard for it. They are just going to play the lottery a few times, hoping to win it, and then they lose and tell themselves they’re never going to get rich anyway. And on top of that, they blame the system. People find excuses for the things they wanted to have and didn’t bother to work for. It is simply because they are scared to fail when the actual failure is when you give up on your dream.
There is a whole chapter in the book that says in simple words : Don’t try, just do it. If you really want to do something, go for it. Enjoy learning from the struggle as much as the result and love the process of winning.
‘If you are able to not give a f*ck about the pain, you become unstoppable.’
My biggest dream since I was a little girl is to travel as much as I possibly can. This is how I would feel complete and successful when I’m old. I don’t give a sh*t how I’m going to do it, but I know that no matter what happens, I’m going to do it.
Have some self-belief
Have you ever had that discussion when you say « I’m really not good at this » or « I can’t do this because … » ? If your answer is no, then you’re lying ! Everyone has their own limiting beliefs. Whatever our thoughts are about ourselves, our actions will automatically follow what we think and it will obviously determine our results.
If you don’t care whether you good at something or not and you just do it, you will unlock so many new skills and opportunities, and you will probably amaze yourself about what you are capable of doing.
Speaking of, what Manson says about this got me so excited : you should never know who you are.
Literally, never try to know your limits. We are all humans, we are all capable of doing amazing things. It is a matter of will and belief. And if you have a problem that you think stops you, then fix it or do something about it.
Never stop learning, never stop growing, never stop improving yourself.
‘Every single one of us can be exceptional and massively successful.’
Isn’t it exciting that you can create something of yourself ? And who cares if people give you sh*t about it ?
Everything in life is possible as long as you believe in it and work hard for it. If you are not happy with your life right now, then change it. You can start again, no matter how old you are or what your situation is.
Take risks, go for it, dare to live.
Eileen – Pretty Little Mantras.